It was Ms. Shields, my favorite professor from
college who had changed my life. By the end of high school I was fed up with my
parents and I went to college with a messed up attitude. I just didn’t care. My
grades gradually declined and I had been warned I would be soon put on academic
probation, and then my parents spoke to me numerous times about taking me out
of college. The time in college where I was supposed to be the happiest and
feel the most free, I was depressed and trapped, until I met Ms. Shields in my
Beginning Ballet course.
She was unlike any of my professors. She wasn’t
stark and cold, but had a heart and actually cared about each and every one of
her students. I remember one day when it was nearing midterms, class had ended
and as everyone left the room she asked me if I had a few minutes to meet her
in her office. I didn’t know what she was about to tell me probably something
about my academic probation.
When I followed her to her office, we both sat
down and she said, “Rae, I’ve been noticing something about you.”
I quickly added, “Yea, yea, yea I know my grades
aren’t the greatest and I probably won’t pass this class. Tell me something I
don’t know.”
“Uhh, no that’s not what I wanted to talk to you
about. Actually, I wanted to ask you something,” she replied confused.
“What? To not waste your time coming to class if
I don’t wanna learn?”
I’ve never seen a professor more confused than
Ms. Shields while talking to me.
“Rae, why are you so negative? I was going to ask
you if you would be interested in assisting me with teaching ballet to a group
of kids at a few middle schools I volunteer at?”
I paused for a second and then replied, “Ms.
Shields you do know…excuse my language…but you do know that my grades are
shitty right? And you’re asking me to
do this?”
“Yea, I know they are, but look Rae, I know you
are much more capable than the effort you’re exhibiting right now. When I see
you dance, I see the passion in your eyes, the love in your heart, the ease and
grace in your movements. There’s something about you Rae, and you need to
realize it. You can go so far with your natural abilities to dance. As long as
you have the passion, which you obviously do, that passion will drive you
straight to greatness and success. So is it a yes or a no? By the way I never
take ‘no’ for an answer.
I remember thinking that if I had a “real” mother
I would imagine that she would say something like that to me, so I took her
offer and that experience changed my attitude, my grades, my social life, and
everything.
After those flashbacks ran through my head, I
came back to reality and slowly walked towards Ms. Shields. We both hugged and
she asked me how I was doing and what was I doing there. Once again I explained
my dramatic story and crazy adventure I put myself into. I also asked her why
she was waaaay out here at this youth center. She then told me that she decided
to really become committed to teaching others the art of dance and came up with
the idea to do a country wide tour to youth centers, community centers, and
schools to educate and encourage underprivileged youth. Eventually our
conversation lead to her asking me how my cousin was doing these days.
“Uhhhmm, cousin?”
“Yea your cousin, the who came to all of your
performances in college.”
So confused I replied, “Ms. Shields I don’t have
any cousins the one uncle I do have never had any children, so you must have
gotten her mistaken because my family never came to my performances, except for
my dad who came to like one.”
“No, she was very specific about you and told me
about how you girls grew up together and how much you love dance.”
“Ms. Shields, I’m telling you I don’t know who
you were talking to but she wasn’t there for me.”
With much surprise, she responded, “There was
always a young woman sitting all the way in the back in the corner, and I would
always tell her there are plenty of seats in the front, so that she can see the
show better. She always refused, but was very polite about it and afterwards I
would just chit chat with her every performance. She was tall, with straight
long light brown hair, a small nose, average weight, very curvy, and she always
wore these bright turquoise eyeglasses. Actually she looked a lot like you. At
first I thought that she was your sister until she told me she was your
cousin.” Yes, she was definitely there for you, she even showed me a picture of
you two together when you were younger.”
There was only one person I ever known to have turquoise
eye glasses, but I continued to ask “So, wait, you’re telling me that this
woman, my ‘cousin,’ was at all of my performances?”
“Yes.”
“Wow,” I said as I slumped down on the wall to
the floor.
“Rae you’re scaring me now because if you didn’t
know that woman she must have been a stalker or something. Oh my goodness, I am
so sorry Rae, I didn’t know. I would have reported her or something I would
have-”
“No, No, No, Ms. Shields that wasn’t my cousin. That
was my sister.”
“Your sister? I didn’t know you had a sister and
why would she tell me she was your cousin?”
All of a sudden a sense of urgency had come over
me. Ignoring her questions I quickly asked, “Ms. Shields, I have a huge favor I
need to ask of you.”
“Yes, Rae what is it?”
“Can you please take me to Norfolk Airport right
now? A one way ticket to New York should be about $200 and you can have the
rest of my money if you can just please take me?” I was talking so fast you could tell she was
beginning to panic.
“Rae, why do you need to go to the airport right
now? What is going on?”
“Ms. Shields, please? I swear I’ll explain in the
car, please?”
Trusting me she gestured to Jillian that she
would be back and we quickly left.
On the way there, I told Ms. Shields about how I recently
learned that Rocelyn went blind and about the type of relationship my sister and
I had throughout the years. She was just in complete shock of everything
because we emailed one another from time to time and had gotten pretty close
but I never disclosed any information even remotely close to anything I had
just told her. I just let it all out. I felt like I had to because I had been
holding it all in for so long and I trusted Ms. Shields. She was like the
mother I never had.
When we arrived at the airport nearly an hour and
a half later, I hopped out of the car and attempted to hand her about $50 not
knowing exactly how much money I needed for the ticket, but she refused and
even offered to sit with me at the airport.
Although I really wanted her to stay with me, I told her how much I
appreciated everything that she had done for me and that I would be fine,
especially since I didn’t know how long I would be waiting for a flight, being
that it was extremely last minute. So, we parted ways and I told her that I
would let her know when I touched down in New York and she reminded me that I
could call her if I needed anything.
To my surprise, I didn’t wait too long for a flight.
I was on standby for just an hour and luckily I was the only one on standby for
New York. In just under four hours I arrived at LaGuardia Airport in Flushing,
New York. Of course, I didn’t know where I was going once I had gotten there, so
I called Myles hoping he would answer. He didn’t answer. I called my dad, no
answer. I really didn’t want to do this but I called my mom.
Riiinnnnnggggg…..Rinnnnggggg…….
“Rae?”
“Yea ma, it’s me,” I said as I was trying to find
my way out of the airport.
“Rae, where are you?”
“At LaGuardia Airport, where is Roselyn? Is she
okay?”
“YOU’RE IN NEW YORK?!,” she shouted.
“Yea, I am. I need Dad to come and get me.”
“We are all at the hospital and your dad is still
trying to figure out what happened with Roselyn’s eye surgery, but I’ll come
and get you. You need to be here.”
“Uhhh-” I hesitated for a second, because this is
the most normal conversation that my mother and I had since forever.
“Rae, I’m coming to get you. Okay?”
"Okay, I came in on U.S. Airways.”
In about twenty minutes, my mother pulled up in
what seemed to be my brother-in-law’s car. It was around three o’clock in the
morning by now and I was exhausted. I hopped in the car hoping this wouldn’t be
the most awkward car ride ever.
“Hey,” I said, sounding as if I just got off a
twelve hour shift.
“Hey, Rae where in the hell have you been? And
how in the hell did you get to New York by yourself?”
"Long story.” I responded trying to keep this
conversation as short as possible.
“Rae, I don’t got time for your bullshit this
time. Your sister is in need right now and I don’t got time to be worrying
about your ass.”
“You never worried about me before so why now?”
“You know what? You are so right. I figured I’d
humor your father for a bit, ” she said with a straight face.
You would think I would be hurt by that comment she
had made but I wasn’t and to think that when I spoke to her on the phone
earlier I thought she was somewhat concerned about me. Not even Roselyn’s
misfortune could change this woman. Whatever. She continued to rant as I closed
my eyes, zoned her out, and drifted off to sleep.
When I awoke, we were in the parking lot of Bellevue
Hospital Center. We entered the hospital and took the elevator to the fifth
floor and because of my sister’s circumstance her nurse was courteous enough to
extend visiting hours for the immediate family. My mother directed me to her
room while she went to find my dad to see if he had any updates on the
situation.
I opened door number 523 just slightly and peeked
in. Richard was sitting in a chair across the room from Rocelyn’s bed just
watching her. Entering slowing Richard got up quietly from his chair and walked
over to me, hugged me and whispered, “She’s been dosing in and out of sleep,
but I’ll give you guys a few minutes.”
I nodded, waited until he completely shut the
door, and walked over to my sister. Although her eyes were completely covered
her beauty still shined through the bandages. I pulled a chair right next to
the bed. This was the closest I had ever been to my sister. Something in me just
wanted to hug her for as long as I could, but I just sat there nearly
paralyzed, until words began to formulate in my head and escape my mouth.
“I don’t believe you can hear me, but I’m sorry
Rocelyn. I’m so sorry, Rocelyn. I’m sorry about what happened to you and I’m sorry
that I never came to visit you and I’m sorry our relationship went stale. I
didn’t know you came to all my performances and I’m so appreciative of that. I’m
going to stay here with you for a few months and help you out with anything
that you need. Like I said I know you probably can’t hear me but, I missed you,
Roz. I missed us.”
I leaned back into the chair and the words, “I
heard you, Rae. I heard you, and what you gone do after you take care of me? You know you can't go back home and live with Ma. You should live with me,”
came out of her mouth ever so lightly as if she was in a trance.
Surprised by her response, I paused for a moment
and replied, “Yea, maybe I will. Just have to do one thing before I do though.
"And what is that...?," she said as her voice faded away, and she drifted back into sleep.
"Go on a country wide tour to teach dance.”
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