Three hundred and twenty three dollars and twenty
three cents. Three hundred and twenty three dollars and twenty three cents.
That is all I have to my name. How am I going to survive with three hundred and
twenty three dollars and twenty three cents?
That is what continues to play over and over in
my head as I sit on this raggedy and extremely foul smelling bus. I don’t know
where I’m going nor what I’m going to do when I get to where ever I’m going.
Right now I have absolutely no solutions to any of my problems. You would think that I have
zero problems being that I am a recent Graduate of George Mason University with
a major in dance, have so-called loving parents, with a large beautiful home in
Virginia Beach, but no. My degree in dance means absolutely nothing in the real
world, my father never believed in my choice to pursue dance and my mother? …Well
she has no backbone and my oh-so-lovely home in Virginia Beach where I grew up
is nothing but large and beautiful on the outside but stale and cold on the
inside. That’s why I had to go, well and because of a huge argument I got into
with my mom.
I still
cannot believe that she told me, “Man I feel so stupid for forgetting to take
my birth control that day. Damn!” And she said it with so much passion in her
voice and in her eyes. I knew when she said that, it didn’t just slip out her
mouth, but something that has been burning inside of her for 23 years. I was
done!...Completely done when those words touched my ears.
It seems like I have been trying to please them
all of my life and still find some way to keep myself happy. I know I’m young
but I have learned that is
impossible. I have given up on that, on them, and my whole family. All my
parents do is compare me to my “amazing” sister who now lives in New York City
working for Teen Vogue Magazine, with some important title. I don’t know how
many times I have told them I am not Roselyn Marielle Mccullar, I am Rae Jora
Mcculler. I am nothing like my sister and don’t want to be nothing like her or
my parents for that matter.
That argument was the turning point for me, so
here I am on this bus in some blue jeans, tired sneakers, and a sky blue
t-shirt. This is what my entire wardrobe consists of now plus two other
t-shirts, one other pair of jeans, and my ballet slippers in my brown back
pack. That was all I could grab and all that would fit in my bag in the few
minutes I had to leave the house.
I look up from my worn jeans and out of the
window and I begin to imagine myself dancing on the sidewalk, on the benches,
in the streets. Ballet, hip hop, ballroom, Latin, African, jazz, Bollywood,
even belly dance, I love it all and can do it all.
A light jazzy beat begins to play in my head and
I close my eyes and drift off into my own concert with bright lights, a huge
open stage, and an audience so engaged in my performance. Yes, now here comes
my leap that ends the show…I get a running start and----.
“Rae?” I heard someone say.
I opened my eyes and a dark skinned girl about my
age comes walking toward me in the back of the bus. I don’t know who this chick
is and by no means am I in the mood of talking to anybody right now.
“Rae? Is that you? How are ya?”
I just looked at her, “uhh, yea. Hi”
“What’s up girl? I haven’t seen you in years.”
“Yea, it sure has been awhile. Wow!” I said as
sarcastic as possible hoping she would get the point.
“So, do you still dance?”
Nope! She didn’t catch the hint.
“Yea” I said hoping now this would end this
pointless conversation.
“You were such a great dancer. I bet you’re
getting all types of high-paying gigs huh?”
Alright I can’t take this not one second longer.
The bus was slowing down. YES!
“Welp,
this is my stop. Nice talking to ya.” I replied as I quickly grabbed my things
and headed to the door.
“Uhh yea, nice talking to you too. Maybe I’ll see
ya around.”
“Shit, I hope not,” I mumbled as I stepped off of
the bus.
I just walked, and walked and walked. Ten minutes
had passed before I realized that I was still walking. I stopped and took a
look around. Shit where the hell am I? All I saw was abandoned buildings, grungy-looking
people, and trash all over the streets. The sun was beginning to set and I had
no idea where I was going to go, where I was going to sleep, what to eat,
nothing. That girl totally messed me up. Not that I had any plans, but I know
for damn sure I wouldn’t have got off at that stop. Shit!
Bzzzzzz. Bzzzzzzzzzz.
I reached into my back pack, rustled through my
things and finally found my vibrating phone all the way at the bottom.
“Incoming Call…..Dad,” flashed on the screen.
Bzzzzzz. Bzzzzzzzzzz.
I hit the ignore button, tossed my phone back
into my bag, and kept on walking.
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